Standing at the Threshold

I’ve found it increasingly difficult to get to work in the past several days. It’s been Thanksgiving break, and at an opportunity to catch up with work, I chose to catch up with life. My Thanksgiving didn’t go down so well. For one, my parents and I got into a HUGE fight on Thanksgiving day which really bummed out the whole point of what Thanksgiving was about. Then, I got into an accident while pulling out of a parking lot at the supermarket. I wish my Thanksgiving went down better.

So here I am, at the two week threshold of FINALS. when all final projects are underway. It sucks because for the next two weeks I’ll be working, working, working then sleeping 24/7. I can’t even think about how this will effect my health. I have 6 final projects to do. I can’t believe this really. But I’ll eventually get at it.

I’m feeling a little depressed as I’ve lost sight of what I’m putting myself through this for. This Thanksgiving I’ve tried to find reasons in myself to justify this mental endurance. I’ve tried to become inspired by delusions of money, women, power, sex, fame, glamor, wealth, love, romance, health, security, etc. But nothing seems to be worth it all. I don’t seem to know what to do it for anymore. Everyone who asks me how school is and I just say it sucks, because it all honesty–IT DOES!

I wish I could describe this. It’s not fun. Any instance in which I thought this was “fun” or “cool” in the past is strictly delusional. This is not fun, and anyone that is serious about this craft that says different is fooling themselves. I’m confused if its the creativity that hurts or the act of getting it done that hurts. This sucks. This really really really really really really really really SUCKS. Fuck this.

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