I’m tired of being chubby.

So here we are at Week 2 of the Summer 2011 session of school.

I’m still getting back into the whole rhythm of things. For the most part everything seems to be progressing “okay” for now. I’m anticipating shit to hit the fan any minute, but for now, it’s cool. I noticed that I’ve come to school with a new perspective. Having worked for the past several months really made a difference to me. Now school, just seems like, well, school and makes me eager to finally graduate. We’ll see as the weeks progress. I’m currently taking two academics, two studios and one design class. So far, seems like a light load. I’m just trying to keep things moving and moving constantly.

On a personal note, I’m feeling a little better and not as depressed as before from my smoking quit. I read somewhere online to expect a sense of loss and mourning, as well as overeating and depression. That’s good to know. I’m doing it different this time and quitting cold turkey as opposed to my previous quit which was on the nicotine patch. Patches are expensive for me right now. Which in essence is a good thing, as I don’t want a crutch to fall on. It’s been a little over a month.

So health is an aspiring goal for me right now, on top of my schoolwork and business. Starting to do pushups and dips. Jo is my inspiration right now in that he slimmed down with just pushups, dips, and basic calisthenics. I’m tired of being chubby. I weighed myself today and I blew the fuck up to a whopping 190 pounds! Holy shit! So I said that’s it…enough is enough. It was fun putting it on, but now I seriously have to get back into shape. Consciously, and surprisingly, I’m very happy I had the chance to gain this weight. I got a kick out of observing how certain people treated me differently, and how others remained cool as hell. I didn’t plan every detail for this to happen exactly. But it was a kind of experiment for me to get a dose of humility. For most of my youth I’ve been a cocky little shit. This time around–with school–I didn’t want to be that little runt anymore. Instead, I wanted to be the person that others always believed I could become. I had to start believing in myself; destroying myself, in order to rise from the ashes.

I’m shooting to shed about 50 pounds. Wish me luck.

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